Alaska Airlines from Adak Airport to MidAmerica St. Louis Airport

So, you've decided to embark on a euphoric adventure from the remote island of Adak to the land of, not just Midwest wholesomeness, but apparently of a so-called 'Premium Economy'- the great MidAmerica St. Louis. Intrepid traveler, an epic journey of epic proportions surely deserves epic planning. So, sit back, bask in the glow of your glowing screen and marvel at the wonders of 'business class' Alaska's airline service.

We all know that booking a flight is as easy as finding good pizza in New York, right? Just walk up to a random flight deal store, throw in a handful of foreign currency and Ron's your uncle – you've booked your last-minute flight. That's how it works, right? Well, not quite. If you don't want to end up on a Direct flight to the remote jungles of South America or getting crammed into the cargo hold of an international flight, you need to get your flight schedule sorted out right from the start. Alaska from Adak to St. Louis? It's a simple one-way, no layover, straight shot. Just kidding! Get ready for a geography lesson with connecting flights because direct flights are as common as polar bears in Hawaii.

Unless teleportation suddenly becomes a commercial reality (and we wish it would), the flight duration is going to be an unbelievable stretch. Take this time to brush up on your solitaire skills or pretend to read that novel you've been carrying around for years. Fear not, adventurous traveler, your round-trip ticket does come with an in-flight services option, the understanding of which is a thrilling mix of calculus, rocket science, and understanding why they stopped making good sitcoms after 'Friends'.

The beauty of your impending journey is not simply the final destination, but the obscure fact that the airfare to fly over 2,000 miles of Alaska is cheaper than the exorbitant fee you'd pay for the privilege of getting a decent cup of coffee at any of the airports en route. Yes, indeed. Cheap flights over majestic, icy landscapes, a fact that makes the Alaskan airways the best place to frugally enjoy the natural splendor from the comfort of 'economy class'. Here's that random Alaska fact you were promised, Alaska has more coastline than all of the other U.S. states combined.

Now, as a potential 'Frequent Flyer' of Alaska's MidAmerica St. Louis connection, hold onto your armrests. Contrary to popular belief, it's the 'First Class' passengers who have the most fun. Rumor has it that they not only enjoy exalted in-flight luxuries but also have the power to erase any unwanted layovers from the aircraft's schedule. Maybe it's the lofty heights, or simply the euphoria from the extra 2 inches of legroom, but First-Class seems to hold sway over time and space itself.

A word or two must be said about the egregious issue of baggage allowance. Remember, just because you can pack your entire house, including the kitchen sink, doesn’t mean you should. Unless you plan on setting up camp in the overhead compartments, maybe rethink that second hand-held suitcase. After all, we wouldn't want you showing up the grand spectacle of the Northern Lights with a bobble-head collection that obstructs the view, would we?

Finally, remember that the 'best time to book' is sometime between dawn and dusk, or whenever you can wrestle your smartphone away from your cat. And always, always have a backup plan should you encounter that beast of uncertainty - the flight cancellation policy. Our advice, pre-empt potential chaos. Build a small shrine to the deities of air travel and offer them daily incentives for a smooth flight. Surely, no harm can come of that.

So there you have it, intrepid wanderer. A satirical, yet somehow hopefully helpful glimpse into your pending journey from Adak airport to the luminous MidAmerica St. Louis. Fly safe, fly smart, and may the vending machines of layovers always dispense your chosen snack. Over and out.