Alaska Airlines from Albany International Airport to King Salmon Airport

Get ready folks; today we're embarking on an imaginary journey from Albany International Airport, or as I like to refer to it, 'The Gate to Freedom,' on an Alaska direct flight straight into the heart of the miraculous King Salmon Airport, lovingly dubbed 'The Portal to the Piscine Paradise.' Such an expedition is a necessity for the authentic traveler possessing a deep-seated desire to commune with the ethereal beauty of nature and an inexplicable fear of grizzly bears.

Alaska, a state that's known for being twice the size of Texas, because really, who doesn’t want two Texases? It sports a wealth of saline waters teeming with salmon in numbers so astronomical you'd think they were planning some sort of fishy coup d'etat against the locals. Good thing they can't in the human's world up there, eh?

First things first, let's talk about airfare and this beautiful beast called Alaska. While we all wish money rained down from the heavens instead of boring and typical water, it sadly, does not. That said, don’t lose hope on grabbing some of those mythical cheap flights. Getting a bang for your buck is an art form, my friend. And mastering this magnificent discipline requires us understanding the elusive algorithms of flight deals. They say the best time to book is on a Tuesday, which most of us spend in a dazed sleepwalk, recovering from the Monday hurricane anyway.

Now let us broach the subject of one-way and round-trip flights. While no sane person has ever explained why flying to one destination and back doesn't cost the same as two one-way flights, but que sera sera, it remains one of aviation's best comedic sketches. So, round-trip flights it is, folks!

Onto the topic we like to hush-up in whispered conversations — baggage allowance. Just when you thought carrying your life around in small, compact, travel-approved zippers and pockets couldn’t get more challenging, airlines like to spring a spontaneous last-minute version of The Hunger Games on us. It's perhaps the airline industry's way of testing our packrat tendencies. Lucky for us, though, Alaska Airlines channels a bit more empathy in this regard. Their baggage allowance is a generous reminder that they actually realize you might be needing stuff where you're going.

Once onboard, the entire ordeal of flight duration comes into play. Unless you've perfected the art of wizardry to Apparate at your desired destination (I’m still waiting on my Hogwarts letter), the long hours stuck on the plane can be unbearable. But with the glimmers of hope called in-flight services, even economy class passengers feel like they’ve touched first-class luxuries. Alaska's in-flight services are pretty helpful — because nothing says 'comfort' like a semi-warm blanket and a plastic cup of what is purportedly coffee at 35,000 feet.

For those of us committed to the skies and the high life (the aviation kind, to be clear), the magical world of frequent flyer programs and Mileage plans is the key. These distinguished confederacies are designed for those who feel spend more time above the clouds than on terra firma. And the perks? Let's just say the allure of a free pretzel bag on your hundredth flight is rather hard to resist.

The tedious flight cancellation policy leaves much to be desired. Let's face it, airlines are still coming to terms with the fact that human life sometimes, just sometimes, doesn't go according to plan. But look at the silver lining- they do offer you options. Options that are masochistically named 'flexible' and 'refundable', provided, of course, you've first sold your soul to them.

There you have it. A thrilling adventure awaits you from Albany to King Salmon with Alaska. Because nothing says 'vacation' like sitting in a flying metal tube for hours with recycled air and overly optimistic travelers. The journey, folks, is indeed the destination. Safe travels!