Alaska Airlines from Asheville Regional Airport to Ontario

Have you ever had the existential desire to traverse the expansive cloak of the American panorama from the majestic Appalachian Watershed to Southern California's citrus-laden paradise? Have you considered doing this by hopping on one of Alaska Airline's beaming metallic birds, winging across the skies from Asheville Regional Airport to Ontario, California? For those, no doubt significant, among you, who have such a yearning, hang tight on your pretzel packs and mini-drinks, for a satirical review of this adventure is due!

If you, the discerning traveler, are the type who salivates at the mere thought of "Cheap flights", yet retreat for safety upon sight of the phrase "Last-minute flights," Alaska Airlines has a panacea for your round-trip desires. Unlike those misnomered "one-way" journeys that seem more like a punishment for those with an estranged better half or an off-shore bank account, round-trip flights give an inexplicable sense of security. Even if you are to rendezvous with Sasquatch in the wintry Alaskan tundra, the airline makes sure you come back at the end of the day, or whenever you prefer.

Oh, and speaking of Alaska, if you ever thought it's all ice, snow, and polar bears, beware! Roughly one-third of Alaska lies within the Arctic Circle, a place so cool even Santa Claus got himself a post office there. Perhaps this is the uncanny connection Alaska Airlines have with those who offer "Airfare" as a raffle ticket or a perk in the company's frequent flyer scheme. The jolly old man and the flight attendants do seem to share a fascination with tiny, cramped spaces frequented by strangers, right?

When it comes to the flight duration from Asheville to Ontario, it is but a temporally insignificant wrinkle in the ever-expanding fabric of the universe. Or simply, your 'the-flight-is-oh-so-long' complaint is just a thin layer of atmospheric oxygen away from being frozen at thirty thousand feet. Any qualms about direct flights or the dread of a layover become superfluous, as the friendly Alaska Airlines crew knows their non-stop service is as exhilarating as a red-eye flight hyped on energy drinks. Well, who can argue with a service that keeps you sleep-deprived yet aesthetically pleased with a window-view sunrise?

With Economy Class, you feel as if you've joined the democratic movement of budget-conscious globetrotters, fighting against the bourgeois members of First-Class. The pseudo-aristocratic premium economy seems like a perpetual existential crisis, caught between a plush seat and a hard trolley. And alas, the baggage allowance is so indulgent that it welcomely encourages you to pack the whole house, including that pesky mother-in-law who always seems to have a few extra suitcases.

So, whether you're a carrier pigeon of modern globalization, flying around with your "Mileage program," or a hermit lured out by "Flight deals," flying Alaska from Asheville to Ontario is a surreal journey. You will find yourself savoring the in-flight services and marveling at the audacity of Alaska's flight cancellation policy, which reads like a Shakespearean tragicomedy of airfare refund.

Now, drag your suitcases out of the attic, brush off the dust from your unused beach shirts, and transpose your life from the streaming coffee houses of Asheville to the laid-back sunsets of Ontario. After all, your wandering spirit needs to taste the spoof of overpriced airport food and live to tell about it. It wouldn't hurt to let Alaska Airlines turn your journey into a sky-high discovery of civilization's modern spectacle, where ironically, the best time to book is often the last thing on a traveler's list.