Alaska Airlines from Baltimore/Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport to Ontario

Dear fellow globe trotters, armchair explorers, and even those grounded by fear of aeroplane food, I come to you bearing tales of airborne adventures. Specifically, the kind you embark on when you take wing from Baltimore/Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport to Ontario, via the stalwart bird of the skies that is Alaska Airlines. So fasten your seatbelt and prepare for takeoff into my aviation musings, fueled by years of scrutinizing in-flight menus and testing the limits of "reclining" seats.

Now, we can’t talk about planes and not discuss one of the greatest debates of our century: is it better to nab one of those sweet direct flights or hunker down for a layover? And by hunker, I mean most likely be sprawled across several uncomfortable chairs like some interpretative modern art. Direct flights offer the tantalizing promise of getting it all over in one swift swoop, a one-way ticket to destination satisfaction! But recall, dear friends, that one such pure, uninterrupted stretch from Baltimore to Ontario would have you trapped in an altitudinal aluminum tube for nearly 7 hours... I'll let that marinate for a moment.

Moving swiftly on to the topic sparked by the mere mention of time spent mid-air – flight duration. Seven hours. That's enough time to binge-watch an entire season of that guilty pleasure show you've been too embarrassed to start, or, continue for those unashamed soap opera lovers among us. Or maybe even to read that book you've been carrying around since 2010 (we all know the one). Silver linings, my friends, silver linings.

While we're wallowing in the humorous horror of long-haul flights, let us take a brief interlude to appreciate the little-known fact that Alaska, the home base for our beloved airline, has over 3 million lakes. If you filled a lake with all the tiny pretzels I've been handed on flights, you'd probably get close to 3 million! Perhaps Alaska Airlines can consider a 'lake of pretzels' loyalty scheme in their frequent flyer program. Always here for the wacky ideas, you're welcome, Alaska!

Nevertheless, bravely pressing onward, let’s consider the perplexing world of airfare. The perfect formula for securing cheap flights continues to elude even the most hardcore of us flight aficionados (you can call us aero-heads), but I urge you not to undervalue the satisfaction of triumphantly scooping up a last-minute flight deal... entirely worth risking the possibility of arriving in Ontario via Zimbabwe first.

If the idea of a classic game of airfare roulette isn't your cup of overpriced airport coffee, never fear, the age-old wisdom of the best time to book is here! Tuesday afternoons, my friend, for it is on this sacred ground where one can harvest the most bountiful crop of discounted seats. Why Tuesday afternoon you ask? Maybe the airlines are busy watching cat videos and forget to bump up the prices, who knows?

Many of us are all too familiar with the tantalizing tiered world of business class, premium economy, and economy class. However, do remember, while we might be buying economy class, we're all first-class in our hearts... or at least until the flight attendant firmly tells us to move along as we wistfully peer towards the land of legroom.

To wrap things up before we run into a risk of unscheduled emotional turbulence, our great dance through the sky comes with a few footnotes, namely, the baggage allowance. My friends, our ability to pack light not only tests our dedication to minimalism but can also determine our flight's destiny. Choose wisely and leave your 15 different pairs of shoes behind. The Canadians will understand, they’re nice like that.

And remember, dear friend, whether you’re embarking on an international adventure or seeking solace in domestic flights, every journey leaves a permanent stamp on the passport of our souls, if not our frequent flyer card. As you fly from Baltimore to Ontario, staring out the plane window at the city lights or vast farmlands below, I hope you find humor and adventure at every altitude. Safe travels!