Alaska Airlines from Bangor International Airport to Sitka Rocky Gutierrez Airport

Oh, the grand adventure of flying from the bustling metropolis of Bangor, Maine to the tropical paradise of Sitka, Alaska, whoever thought of this exquisite route must indeed be a genius. Bangor International, that charming hub of, ahem, "international flights" to all those exotic Canadian towns, and Sitka Rocky Gutierrez Airport, named after the late, great mayor of Sitka who turned the tide of the strategic sea otter trade.

The experience of booking cheaper-than-free "cheap flights" on Alaska airlines from Bangor to Sitka is one to be savored. Who wouldn’t want to relish in the delicious irony of overpriced airfare that seems to beset all flights to the heartland of the northernmost state? Sitting snugly in that cozy (read: soul-crushing) economy class seat for the duration of the flight? Absolutely priceless, or rather, criminally expensive.

And while we’re on the topic, how about Alaska’s non-stop "non-stop flights". If you think that phrase implies a swift, uninterrupted journey, then you’re positively wrong. Non Stop? More like non-start when you factor in the eight-hour layover at Ted Stevens Anchorage International, better-known as ‘Time Vacuum Central’ for all the precious hours it has sucked away.

Oh, but wait! There's more glory in our flight schedule. That overnight "red-eye flight" can mean only one thing: an entire plane filled with insomniac thrill-seekers, veering wildly between sleep-deprived hysteria and REM-induced somnambulation. I do think it's wonderful how airlines are offering up new and exciting ways to test human endurance, all in the name of transportation.

Now let’s not forget to acknowledge the airline's "flight cancellation policy". It is simply amazing. As soon as that unexpected blizzard rolls in (a rare occurrence in Alaska, as you know), Alaska Airlines smoothly transits from a carrier of the masses to a grand circus of customer service with deft folks juggling flights, rerouting passengers, and gently tossing every prearranged plan right out the window. What’s more exciting than an unplanned 24-hour vacation at our favorite ‘Time Vacuum Central,’ right?

As enthralling as this flight sounds already, we simply can't ignore the marvelous "baggage allowance" policy. Offering that sweet bonus challenge of optimizing your luggage weight to an exact 50.0 lbs on your home scale is a remarkable test of packing prowess. Failing means you get the golden chance to explore your inner miser while Alaska happily charges you a crisp fifty-dollar note to transport your extra sweaters or perhaps that beloved souvenir snow globe that tipped the scales from your previous visit to Iceland!

Now let me tell you about a splendid little fact about Alaska. Apparently it’s illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they’re moose hunting in Alaska. Nothing says "Welcome to Alaska" as a moose-hunting related law that No-Whisper policy while tracking the state's beloved beast. Note to self: Choose quiet airplane seatmates during hunting season, lest you disrupt the sacred pursuit of Bullwinkle’s Alaskan cousin.

But let's end on a high: while the service, schedules, and surcharges may induce hair-pulling frustration worthy of a Shakespearean tragedy, Alaska's "Mileage program" does hold a certain charm. More magnanimous than a medieval king offering scraps from his banquet to starved serfs, these glorious little electronic tokens are a shining beacon of hope in the dark, gloomy tunnel of long haul flights, accumulating mile by cumbersome mile. Splendid.

So folks, get ready to bid adieu to the sunny beaches of Bangor, Maine and say hello to the hustling, bustling metropolis of Sitka Alaska. Have a safe flight, and remember - never, ever whisper during a moose hunt.