Alaska Airlines from Honolulu to Chicago Rockford International Airport

Oh, the exuberant joy of flying from Honolulu to Chicago Rockford International Airport! Your typical traveler might be ensnared in the trappings of 'flight deals' or 'cheap flights', but my dear reader, you have the pleasure of traversing this delightful route with the Keep-Your-Baggage-Allowance-Intact, Salmon-Presenting, Overpriced-Orca-Sticker-Selling airline that we affectionately call – Alaska Airlines.

While enduring the seventeen or so tedious hours it’s going to take to get you from the paradise that is Hawaii, to the cultural mecca of Rockford, Illinois (an irony not lost on anyone who's been both places), you can partake in the wonder of their in-flight services. In-flight services that are rumored to inspire tears of joy in other airline CEOs and uncontrolled laughter in passengers. Oh, it's enough to make a weary traveler long for a one-way trip to a remote desert island with a 50-year supply of Mai Tais.

Of course, not to be outdone by the likes of Delta, your journey in the clouds will almost certainly include a layover. My humble advice: pray that this is not at the bustling emporium of despair known as Los Angeles International Airport. Prepare to be awed by an expedition through the labyrinthine complexity of LAX, a pathway so mysteriously convoluted that surely it was inspired by the vast Alaskan wilderness - home to over 100,000 glaciers, an enviable tidbit of Alaskan trivia to share with your fellow captive passengers.

Using my vaunted powers of telepathy, I can divine your question. Is there a direct flight, you query in desperation? Can you possibly avoid this Kafkaesque adventure, you plead? Oh, dear reader, the answer is as elusive as the Alaskan snow hare... because it's 'no'. If getting to Rockford was easy, everyone would do it. The journey's the thing, as they say... or at least they would if they were sat in an economy class seat for 17 hours with a broken in-flight entertainment system.

However, I give you this delicious morsel of optimism: partake in Alaska's mileage program. Not because it's a beacon of light in an otherwise dark world - far from it - but because by spending the GDP of a small country to acquire enough points, you might one day experience the thrill of a cabin upgrade. The tantalizing prospect of stretching your legs without knocking over the flight attendant's precarious tray of lukewarm meals? Now that's the stuff of dreams.

And lest we forget about the confounding game of Tetris that is packing within your baggage allowance. If your trip is anything more than an overnight jaunt, prepare to exercise cunning to outwit this modern-day Sphinx riddle. Remember, however, to leave plenty of room for the inevitable hoard of overpriced Orca-themed merch and freeze-dried Salmon treats you’ll be tempted to purchase while daydreaming your way through that glorious layover in L.A.

So, brave traveler, embark on this journey with the heart of an adventurer and the cynical smile of a seasoned veteran. Buckle in for those endless hours of economy class comfort, secure in the knowledge that Chicago Rockford International Airport is waiting at the end of this too-long rainbow. Bon voyage! Please pack your sense of humor, keep your expectations carefully checked in your hand luggage, and don't forget to enjoy the ride.