Alaska Airlines from Ixtapa / Zihuatanejo to Dulles International Airport

Ah, the pulsating, adrenaline-filled adventure of flying. An encounter that blends the thrill of being suspended at 35,000 feet above sea level with the ecstasy of studying War and Peace, because what else are you going to do on a 7-plus hour flight? Today’s narrative subject is of a particularly interesting sub-species of the air travel genus: Alaska, from Ixtapa/Zihuatanejo to Dulles International Airport. This is a realm that comes replete with ‘direct flights’ and ‘one-way tickets,’ punctuated by the frisson of ‘layovers’ and the sometimes frustratingly elusive hunt for ‘cheap flights.' Do stick around for the ride, your in-flight peanuts await.

Ladies and gentlemen, your journey embarks from the sun-blessed shores of Ixtapa and Zihuatanejo. Wait, was that two departures? Why, no. This isn’t a case of mild jet-induced schizophrenia; Ixtapa/Zihuatanejo is regarded as one. Off you dash, skipping and hopping in the giddy delight of imminent air travel, onto your ‘flight to Alaska’. But what you probably didn’t realize is that you are heading into a labyrinth of airports, where the 'flight duration' transforms wistfully into an ephemeral concept rather than a fixed measure of time-space.

Ah, but, suppose you decide to take the direct route instead. You pull out your handy map and a compass because who needs futuristic GPS technology when you’re already flying in a metallic bird? A non-stop journey from Ixtapa to Alaska. And in doing so, you will be soaring over the place where the United States bought their biggest fridge – Alaska – for a mere 2 cents an acre in 1867, an astonishing display of historic bargain hunting. Yes, indeed, Alaska, the land of the midnight sun, where every resident gets an annual ‘oil wealth check’. And you thought your frequent flyer miles were a sweet deal.

Why not spice things up a notch? How about a red-eye flight? Perhaps a touch of the macabre to accompany your peanuts, dear traveler? Don’t be misled though. A red-eye flight is not some ominous Harrowing of Hell. Instead, it’s just an overnight flight that catches the first ray of the dawn. A bit disappointed? Well, we live to crush dreams.

If frugality is your credo, you'll probably be chasing those elusive ‘last-minute flights.’ Surely, we all admire the exhilarating thrill that comes with the risk of missing a flight in the quest for a discounted one. Our hearts race, pupils dilate, palms sweat - all the symptoms of an adrenaline rush or impending cardiac failure - take your pick.

Oh, you're a 'frequent flyer', are you? Well, enjoy the miles (and the mileage program) while they last. After all, what's a journey without a little extra on the side? Except ‘a little extra’ might turn into ‘seriously, you need to stop’ when you realize that the in-flight services include an alcohol policy that permits up to 140 proof. You might start seeing two Ixtapas instead of the usual one.

Now to the classes, the hierarchies of the sky. Business, economy, premium economy, first – they're all prettily encoded synonyms for a game of “how much space am I allowed before I physically merge with my neighbor?” Do select wisely, comrades. After all, your baggage allowance depends on it.

In summary, dear reader, if you’ve decided to jet off on this airborne journey of whimsy from Ixtapa/Zihuatanejo to Dulles (via Alaska) - beware. You will be embarking on an adventure blending modern comforts, futuristic technology, and a jolly rogering by Murphy’s Law – where all that can go wrong probably will. But hey, you’re a traveler; aren’t unexpected twists part of the journey?

Happy flying! Just remember, next time the peanuts run out, don’t blame the stewardess. Blame the guy who decided aircraft needed to weigh less than skyscrapers.