Alaska Airlines from John Wayne Airport, Orange County to Pittsburgh

Oh, so you've just decided to book a flight on Alaska Airlines from John Wayne Airport, Orange County to Pittsburgh. That's cute. Because, you know, it's unquestionably better than being a couch potato that just stares at the postcards of the places you've never been. But, sarcasm aside, let the advanced tone of this technical guide offer you a bit of insight into your impending adventure.

Let's start with flights. Flights are important, you know, because you can't really swim or walk from Orange County to Pittsburgh, unless you're Aquaman or have an unusual fondness for ultra-marathons. And no, hot air balloons are not an advisable alternative—just getting that out there. During the trip you will have exactly two options: The delightfully sleep-inducing red-eye flight or the normal, very human, daytime flight. Choose wisely.

You could opt for one-way or round-trip, but that really boils down to how much you enjoy the company of Pennsylvanians. Same goes for choosing between the business class, economy class, or first-class. Trust me each level escalates from "pretzels and water" to "would you like champagne with your lobster, sir?" all on a sliding scale of how much you’re willing to sacrifice your pocket. Ha! But who am I to say anything about indulging in some comfort overhead?

Oh and let's not forget the delightful layover. It's like an intermission in a movie. Except instead of stretching your legs and getting popcorn, you're stuck with overpriced airport food and a chair that discourages any form of comfortable sleep. Alternatively, if you despise that idea, guess what? There are non-stop flights too. Because what better way to ensure a deep vein thrombosis, right?

On a more serious note, do remember to check Alaska Airline's baggage allowance. You don't want to be that person who has to open their suitcase at the check-in counter to put on three extra sweaters, two jeans, and a pair of boots just because you exceeded the limit by 2 pounds. Good Lord, what a spectacle that would be!

If you are a frequent flyer, I hope you've joined a mileage program by now. If not, well, I won't judge you. Only silently. It's always prudent to reap the benefits on offer.

Further, you must peruse the flight cancellation policy. Because life is unpredictable and Murphy's Law seems to be particularly fond of travel plans. Eye the flight schedule too to determine the best time to book. Don't worry, there's no rush, we can all wait while you take 5 days to figure out if 9 a.m. or 7 p.m. works better for you.

Lastly, I encourage your curiosity in Alaska Airlines by scanning airline reviews. Remember, the court of public opinion is a ruthless place and there's always someone who thought the bread rolls were too hard.

But, since we're talking about Alaska Airlines, it would be remiss of me not to mention a random fact about the state it's named after. Did you know that Alaska has over 3,000 rivers and 3 million lakes? So, theoretically, you could engage in an unusually intense game of 'I Spy with My Little Eye' while you're flying overhead. No need to thank me for that top-tier entertainment idea.

And there you have it! A comprehensive, non-patronizing guide to help you navigate the perils of airline booking. May the odds of getting a window seat be in your favor. Good luck, fellow traveler!