Alaska Airlines from John Wayne Airport, Orange County to St. Louis

Oh, the joys of air travel, where every journey presents an opportunity for aerial roulette. Of all the beloved airlines you could grace with your presence, today we shall consider Alaska Airlines. The esteemed company that boldly named itself not after a golden eagle, or a majestic sky god, but after the frozen tundra. Daring, don’t you think?

This rather fun escapade we are contemplating today will begin at the illustrious John Wayne Airport in Orange County, California. That's right; the bolo-tie wearing, gunslinging cowboy himself has an airport named after him. In contrast, Tom Hanks is left with a mere terminal in the Midwest. Isn't life grand?

From this towering testament to Hollywood’s golden age, we shall embark on a thrilling journey to St. Louis— a city most recognizable to anyone outside Missouri as that arch thingy seen in geography textbooks. Luckily, Alaska Airlines offers a smorgasbord of options including direct flights, one-way, round-trip, and even, for those of you with histrionic tendencies, a non-stop flight. A flight without stop? Ingenious!

These generously named 'non-stop' flights, may horrify you with visions of being stuck in a middle seat wedged between an overzealous frequent flyer and a toddler armed with crayons. Fear not, gentle reader, for the in-flight services of Alaska Airlines will be your oasis amidst the arid desert of airborne claustrophobia. They provide for such essential needs as 'food' and 'water,' and surely deserve a round of applause for this inventive use of customer service.

Wondering about the baggage allowance? Well, they let you bring bags! Isn’t that decidedly gracious and democratic of them? Although, the actual amount you can bring aboard seems to be a number dreamed up during a round of darts. However, who needs more than 50 pounds of luggage on a flight to St. Louis anyway? If you’re planning on smuggling the Gateway Arch piece by piece, you might need to rethink your strategy.

Then there’s the brilliant mileage program. It’s a rather nifty way of enticing you to pledge your undying fidelity to Alaska Airlines. Fly enough miles, and you’ll earn more. It's rather akin to the promise of gaining more belly fat with each donut you devour – fascinatingly self-perpetuating! Probably why it’s named the Mileage Plan and not the ‘Mileage Fixed Schedule’.

An interesting little tidbit about the state of Alaska: it's been scientifically proven to be colder than a mother-in-law’s stare. Alaska also has more coastline than the entire continental U.S., but we can safely assume they chose to name the airline Alaska not for the scenic beaches. But, who knows? Maybe all the ice reminded them of the frozen chicken served at 30,000 feet.

The best time to book a flight to St. Louis depends as much on the unpredictable nature of airfare as it does the mysterious whims of the groundhog. Often, the planets will align, the tea leaves will settle, and somewhere a camel will sneeze, and voila! You’ll find the perfect flight deal perfectly aligned with your budget, schedule, and horoscope.

Thankfully, Alaska Airlines offers a variety of seating categories for you to choose from. There’s economy class, or as I prefer to call it, 'knees-in-chest class'. Then there's premium economy, where you'll just about have the legroom to perform a half-twirl. And let's not forget first class, which is essentially a flying hotel room for the monetarily blessed.

Feel I jest too much? On the contrary, dear globetrotters, the marvel of air travel is indeed a comic symphony played out in this grand theater of life. So, book that ticket, strap yourself in, and enjoy the heavenly ride with Alaska Airlines from Orange County to St. Louis!