Alaska Airlines from Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport to San Jose

Gonna roll heads with this one but darn it I am here to serve - taking shots in the dark, and by the good lord, no one's safe on this flight. Did you hear about flights from Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport to San Jose on Alaska Airlines? Boy, whoever said 'Journey matters, not the destination’ never had a five-hour layover surrounded by screaming rugrats.

Let's burst the bubble – as sweet as it sounds, cheap flights are a myth. Like Bigfoot or the perfect last slice of pie, we are all chasing something that doesn’t exist. Oh, don’t get me wrong, finding cheap flights isn’t impossible, it's just as likely as getting that last slice of pie at Grandma’s Sunday lunch.

You see, airlines make it feel like they are playing a game of No Limit Texas Hold'em with the airfare. Sometimes, it feels like they might as well select tickets blindfolded, throw darts, pull numbers from a hat, or maybe assign flight deals according to zodiac signs. What next Alaska Airlines? The ticket price is going to match our bodyweight in Alaska King Crab?

Kudos to those who cherish the excitement of the non-stop spinning of numbers - ‘Oh joy, I saved a quarter on a round-trip ticket!’. But four-hour non-stop flights ain't no walk in the park! You’ll probably lose more on that psych counseling you’d need to recover from the flight duration, than on the flight itself.

Speaking of Alaska Airlines, I must give them props. Not for the in-flight services (those are about as thrilling as watching ice cubes melt), but for the dedication to ensuring no leg shall have space for comfort. Your knees will become best buds with the seat in front. When they said 'get close to nature', I didn't realise they meant 'discover your talent for Yoga poses in a 17-inch space’.

Don't even get me started on baggage allowance – one suitcase, one handbag, and a partridge in a pear tree. Whoopee, it's Christmas all year round! Makes you wonder though, if Santa flew Alaska Air, would Rudolph need to be checked in or could he be a carry-on?

Now let’s address the elephant in the cabin, more like 'white elephant'. The infamous mileage program. ‘Fly more, earn more’, they say. Sounds tempting right? Turns out, you might have to traverse the globe four times, thrice upside down, twice in reverse, for the ‘generous rewards’. If we talk about the odds, you might have a better chance of winning the Hunger Games than to score a free flight.

A random fact to lighten the mood: Alaska is the only state that can be typed on one row of a traditional English QWERTY keyboard. Don't believe me, check your keyboard! Now isn't that as useful as a chocolate teapot, but hey welcome to the club!

Anyway, pals, this ain’t a pity party – it's more of an ironic gala. Jokes aside and in all earnestness, the flights may be a circus but hey you reach your destination right? Sometimes you may feel like a sardine jammed in a tin, but then for those few hours you are part of a microcosm hurtling through the sky. Engage in some eavesdropping, binge-watch those series you've said you would since 2015, or make friends with the minibar – when will you ever get to say, 'Yeah man, that was one wild flight!'?

So next time you are booking direct flights from Minneapolis to San Jose on Alaska Airlines, remember this little satire. Laugh it off, and if you do find that elusive cheap ticket or score a win with the mileage program, know you've won the airfare Olympiad. And in the bright side, you're not in Kansas anymore!