Alaska Airlines from Monterey Regional Airport to Tampa

Well dear jet-setters, if faced with the unfathomable decision to select only one method of traversing the continental United States, allow me to wholeheartedly recommend the exhilarating experience of flying on Alaska, while solemnly undertones of irony reverberate in the background.

You see, Alaska Airlines, the flag bearer of the state that boasts more coastline than all other U.S. states combined, has found a quirky solution to quickening the pace of the tortoise-like journey from Monterey Regional Airport to Tampa. The ride is as smooth as a baby's bottom, and perhaps only slightly longer than enduring Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar-winning performance in The Revenant. But be cautious, the direct flights offered on this route are as scarce as hen’s teeth.

You shouldn't be deterred by the lack of non-stop options nor be dismayed by connecting flights. This might seem disheartening, I know, but think of this as an opportunity, not a hindrance. Think of it as a culinary exploration – a layover is merely a chance at a smorgasbord of Cinnabons across America. Or, for the more adventurous, it's an unsolicited travel speed dating event, introducing you to cities you would otherwise never consider visiting.

Now, if saving the hard-earned cash is your raison d'etre, allow me to share with you the top-secret, hush-hush key to airfare indulgence - the one-way ticket. What’s that? You demand something more beneficial, a round-trip perhaps? You want to know where you'll be laying your head at night before your journey begins? Oh, to be young and desirous of paradoxical predictability in travel plans.

Alas, some insist on order and what you, dear traveler, should insist on, is the ‘Premium Economy’ class. It’s the red-headed stepchild of airplane seating arrangements –witness the envious glances cascading your way from economy class peasants while drinking from endless plastic cups of mediocre Chardonnay. Moreover, be sure to utilize Alaska Airlines' Flight Deals before booking your flight. They provide as much joy as finding a forgotten $100 bill in your winter coat.

Never forget the importance of your baggage allowance too, being anything from two to zero - forcing you to channel your inner Marie Kondo. Pack only the essentials; your designer label track suit for comfort, your noise-cancelling headphones to drown out the children or chatty Cathy beside you, and your passport, although that’s a toss-up. Alaska Airlines, symbol of the state where the highest peak of North America, Denali resides, seems to think it's more of a guideline than a rule.

Often the butt of jokes, the frequent flyer program allows participants to accumulate points, seemingly at the pace of continental drift. Yet, if you manage to fly enough miles, equivalent, say, to a few round-trips to the moon, you can convert these points to buy a candy bar at your layover airport.

Through all the hilarity, however, lies the undeniable truth that the journey from Monterey to Tampa will offer a unique adventure. A trip on Alaska may not be filled with roses and rainbows, but it will certainly be memorable. Nothing says thrill like flying over vast landscapes, seeing the world below, and sheepishly entering airports you've never heard of. This is what the journey offers, a glimpse into the chaotic, relentlessly moving, uproarious world of air travel.

So sit back, relish that 30-percent-recline, and savor the ride. Tampa awaits.