Alaska Airlines from Portsmouth International Airport at Pease to Cancun

Oh, you've decided to board an Alaska flight from Portsmouth International Airport to Cancun? I assume this stems from a burning desire to exchange frostbite for sunburn and icebergs for margaritas. And honestly, who can blame you? It's quite the upgrade. But let's break down what this magical journey entails for you.

Known for their "affordable airfare" (and I use the term affordable in the most sarcastic sense possible), Alaska Airlines has - against all odds - managed to corner the market on redundancy by operating in a state whose primary export is...wait for it...cold air. Yes, that's right. The airline cleverly bares the name of a state better known for its moose population than its bustling air travel industry. A state where the long, harsh winters can make even a polar bear question its life choices. Priceless!

Your journey will begin at Portsmouth International Airport at Pease. Now, you may be wondering why such a small airport bears the title "International". It's part of their charming tendency to punch above their weight. That aside, the benefits of flying from this compact gem include fewer flight delays, ease of parking, and a shorter time spent queueing like a sardine in a can. Another bonus? Flesh-eating viruses exclusive to overcrowded airports will be the least of your worries. Combine this with the glorious pleasure of hopping onto your flight from a tarmac and one can only conclude that the spirit of rustic adventure is alive and well in New Hampshire.

Your destination: Cancun. Not to be mistaken for that spring break you spent being a hot mess in Panama City, Cancun is the epitome of a beach paradise. Say hello to a gorgeous coastline, swaying palm trees and unlimited napping opportunities under the brilliant Mexican Sun. Not to mention the unlimited tequilas and the tacos that you will overindulge in and later regret.

But let's get back to the most entertaining activity you've signed up for - jetting off to warm, tropical Cancun on a metal bird that's got "Alaska" slapped on its tail. The jewel in this crown of hilarity is the "non-stop" flight that ships New Englanders south. Non-stop, as in there are no layovers. As in your butt will be plastered to an airplane seat for nearly five hours straight while you contort your body into yoga poses you didn't know existed just to gain a measure of comfort. Is this not the epitome of modern travel?

Now, when you booked your flight, you might've thought "Economy class doesn't sound all that bad." Well, allow me to shatter your illusions. The comfort of economy is akin to being given a toothpick to fight a dragon. Yes, you might survive, but you'll probably forget your own name in the process. But don't despair, my brave, budget-conscious adventurer. Keep in mind that the discomfort of your journey will make the reward at the end even more savory.

Just to sweeten the deal even more, I'll leave you with a delightful nugget of information about your chosen airline's namesake state. Here's a fun fact: Alaska is the only state in America that does not collect state sales tax or levy an individual income tax. To all those Tax Day grumblers out there, consider this your cue to pack it up and move north.

Continuing our tour of the unexpected, your destination, Cancun, happens to be surprisingly rich in Mayan history. Not only can you bask on the beaches, but also enrich your intellectual repository. Do make it a point to visit the El Rey Ruins, an ancient Mayan site, where iguanas now hold court. It's like Journey to the Center of the Earth, but with fewer terrifying creatures and more Instagrammable selfies.

So there you have it - your mystical journey from Portsmouth to Cancun via Alaska. Bless your sensible souls for selecting such a remarkable passage. Buckle up, sit back, and enjoy the ride as you traverse the breadth of America's temperature spectrum all in the time it takes to watch half a season of 'Game of Thrones'.