Alaska Airlines from Puerto Vallarta to Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport

Dear gallivanting gourmands and wayward wanderers, prepare to buckle in for a veritable carnival of the airways. For we're going on a magic carpet ride, courtesy of Alaska Airlines. Yes, dear readers, we’ll be journeying from the sun-bathed, tequila-infused shores of Puerto Vallarta all the way to Chattanooga - the hidden gem of American Southeast, which meritoriously managed to smudge the international flight boundary. It's going to be a flight of fancy, it's going to be a riot.

Firstly, let's dwell on Puerto Vallarta, a place where, in stark contrast to Chattanooga, the most complex Excel equation you'll confront will likely involve a beach towel, a tequila sunrise, and the number of hours before you have to bid adios. So let’s wave pleasant adieu to Puerto, pile on a red-eye flight which is more of a bleary-eyed, sheep-counting expedition than a simple A to B airfare, and wake up in the beating heart of Tennessee, Chattanooga.

Now one might be pondering, why Alaska Airlines, why this eccentric tryst with the Aviation God? Let us impart some soul-stirring wisdom. Alaska, our trusted aerial steed, has hard-earned distinctions in hospitality second only to Mama’s chicken soup – if Mama was a triumphant corporate entity with a spanking fleet of aircraft. And if you need a more reliable reassurance wonder, did you know, even the Forest Service of Alaska spends approximately $1 million each year just shaking the trees so moose don't fritter away sulking beneath them? Now if that isn’t dedication, what is?

The one-way journey from Puerto Vallarta to Chattanooga is a captivating mixture of domestic and international flights and lively layovers that give lengthy Russian novels a serious run for their money. Despite striking fear in the hearty souls of travelers, layovers are, in fact, the unsung heroes of flight entertainment; they are the intermissions in our high-flying acts that conveniently block us from pondering the risk of 240-ton hunks of metal being ambiguously defied by gravity.

Extravagant contrasts discernible in such a journey are as stunning as a business class seat transition to economy — a recipe for spatial consternation and social comedy. Yet, Alaska Airlines entertains such abrupt class mobility with upscale nonchalance, seemingly as if serving butler-accompanied Dom Pérignon one minute and asking you to stuff your own luggage in the overhead bin the next. Talk about keeping it real.

Alaska comes aptly equipped with their frequent flyer mileage program – a rewarding concept promising the hopeful traveler an unfathomable return journey or perhaps a misguiding mirage to soften the blow of your credit card bill. Either way, it's a well-pitched game, and the house, as we know, always wins.

Of course, the best time to book your flight is yesterday, the second best is now. If you're one for last-minute flights, prepare for airfare shock that could make a Wall Street trader blush. Early birds may catch the worms but Alaskan pacific salmon are evidence that patience and a knack for right timing yield far more gratifying rewards–it's called the survival of the fattest.

Enroute, the in-flight service rivals that of a Broadway show but without the irritating intermissions (aside from the aforementioned layover). You can enjoy an exclusive — and possibly hallucinogenic entertainment screen — in the glory of your crimped little seat. This version of VIP service has been aptly named, “Premium Economy.”

Last but not least, saving the best for the last, Alaska’s flight cancellation policy shoot and swoops as wildly as an unleashed seagull diving for food. Leaning heavily towards their moniker "the frozen land," this policy might freeze your assets when you could least afford it.

Oft bewildering yet passionately adored, the serenade of Alaska Airlines, Puerto Vallarta to Chattanooga flights, offers a window (or aisle) seat into a kaleidoscopic journey of satirical humor and stark laughter. Fly away, gallant wanderers.