Alaska Airlines from Puerto Vallarta to Eugene Airport

Planning to dash up from sunny Puerto Vallarta to the lush greenery of Eugene Airport on the next available flight? Well, just hold your horses and saddle up for a satirical excavation of the blissful journey with Alaska Airlines. Wondering why Alaska? Because it’s as unconventional as Sarah Palin seeing Russia from her house.

We must begin by cracking the conundrum of airfare. Why, you ask? Because the cost of a flight evidently doubles as the flying customer torture device. It’s an arbitrary figure thrown together by a group of airline industry moguls who wake up to play the financial equivalent of Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Rule of thumb: first-class is for those who've won the lottery, business class for those still trying to make a dent in their overdraft. Everyone else, you’re stuck in economy.

If your bank account is still intact post-airfare, brace yourself for the fascinating tour de force that is navigating flight schedules, a joyous roller-coaster ride equal parts perplexity and dread. Are you after direct flights or prepared to embark on a magical mystery tour with numerous layovers? There’s something strangely invigorating about stepping off a flight, dazed, confused, and with absolutely no idea whether you're heading for connecting flights or your final destination.

My advice? Opt for non-stop flights. Nothing screams adventure like a 5-hour stint in an unidentifiable airport because you chose the ‘cheaper’ connecting flight option. You’ll thank me later when you’re not trying to catch 40 winks on the cold, hard floor of a bustling airport, questioning your life choices.

On the preposterously slim chance you get the same flight, I’d bet every single frequent flyer point under the sun that you won’t get the same seat back. Airlines, in their infinite wisdom, devised the in-flight seat lottery. You think your online check-in seat selection matters? Adorable! In reality, airplane seat allocation is a ruthless game of musical chairs - minus the music, plus the turbulence. So, buckle up for a thrilling ride in that economy class towards the land of the midnight sun.

Let's face the dreaded baggage allowance while we're on this joyride! Airlines adore playing this little game of 'How Much Can You Cram into a Tiny Overhead Bin?' It's a delightful test of physics, endurance, strategy, and sheer brute strength. Be sure to pack smart, as Alaska Airlines allows you to take a jacket for the Alaskan cold and nothing else. Just kidding, be sure to check their website for their real baggage policy.

Let us whisper a secret about Alaska. Don’t be fooled by the name ‘Alaska Airlines’. The company’s major hub isn't deep in the frigid jungles of the Last Frontier, but nestled even further south, in fact, in Seattle! How ridiculous, isn't it, that an airline named after the largest state in the United States isn't even based there. It's like a Chihuahua called 'Great Dane' — terribly misleading and rather disappointing!

In the elegant art of flapping across the country like it’s 1903 and you’re the Wright Brothers, it’s all about the mileage program. It’s a complicated mix of some Dark-Art-level maths and cosmic randomness, and yet, it's strangely fascinating – like watching a kitten trying to untangle a ball of yarn.

So, fellow adventurers, whether it's one-way or round-trip, flight duration long or short, enjoy the beauty of the journey as much as the destination. Keep your eyes peeled for last-minute flights, check out flight deals, but watch out for red-eye flights unless you thrive on sleep deprivation.

By now, you’re likely either completely buzzed about your upcoming voyage or I've driven you to consider alternative methods of cross-continental transport. Perhaps a road trip, pole-to-pole hike, or a sturdy rowboat, perhaps? Regardless, happy flying - and remember, the in-flight services are there to make your trip just a tad less horrifying.