Alaska Airlines from St. Cloud Regional Airport to Kelowna

Whoever suggested taking a flight from St. Cloud Regional Airport to Kelowna evidently has a keen, even virtuosic, understanding of comic irony. After all, who wouldn't relish the opportunity to endure multiple "connecting flights," more commonly nicknamed the "never-ending hopscotch of air travel."

Now, you might optimistically search for "direct flights," eagerly flipping through your calendar to the distant era of your arrival. Alas! The word "direct" has, in this circumstance, been mischievously transposed with a more descriptive phrase: "time dilation experiment."

Of course, the most delightful irony of this picturesque journey by air isn't the travel time itself, but the interminable "layovers" between these jaunts. Because if there's anything better than being on a plane for an extended period, it's being beside a plane for an equally extended period. Really, the joy of hearing flight calls for every location but yours is a reward in itself. Pass the time fruitfully by pondering over the unanswerable mysteries of life, such as: who decided "navigability" and "comfort" were terms that should never apply to an airport?

Now, don't let the "airfare" conversation disturb your serene state of planning. The astute traveler knows that "cheap flights" are rarely cheap, conveniently omitting minor details like tax, extra legroom, or the privilege of stuffing your luggage in an overhead compartment. And just think of the cultural enrichment awaiting you in the "economy class!" It's like a real-world melting pot, a dashing display of humanity at its most real, raw, and rhythmically snoring during a red-eye flight.

But here's a fun little nugget: Uncle Sam owns more real estate in Alaska than any other place in the U.S. Yes, right around two-thirds of it. Why does he own all that land? Well, our best guess is that he's probably holding it for future airport expansion. You know, just in case ‘direct flights’ become too mainstream.

Don't worry though, for frequent flyers of Alaska Airlines, there's the salve of the "mileage program." A precious balm for the seasoned traveler's soul, collect enough points, and you could earn a flight to your layover location. Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, you might even indulge in the dream of "first-class," where beverages are served in actual glass. What's that they say about small victories?

The truly discerning globetrotter, however, knows that the magic of travel lies not in the "flight schedule" or the "baggage allowance," but indeed, in the journey itself. Yes, dear reader, the journey, which is precisely nine episodes long binge-watching a sitcom on mute and 38 rounds of solitaire.

And remember, should the winds of life direct you away from our humorous adventure, there's always the "flight cancellation policy" to consider. Most airlines will allow you a full refund, minus a fraction that could well be mistaken for the GDP of a small nation.

So, pack your bags, fellow travelers, for flight's grand ballet awaits. Where every soaring leap is brought back down to earth by the tether of realism, and every landing is a celebration liftoff didn't result in an unscheduled detour into the unknown. Bon voyage!