Alaska Airlines from St. Louis to John Wayne Airport, Orange County

Allow me to paint a picture for you, dear traveler, one that is an opulent portrait of contradiction, an exquisite amalgamation of modern civilization and raw, unyielding wilderness, all held together by a thin veil of aviation civility. This, my international (or domestic) featherless friends, is the dramatic experience of soaring from the civilized streets of St. Louis on a non-stop flight to John Wayne Airport in Orange County, all while cradling yourself in the lap of Alaska Airlines.

Now, don't scroll through the flights all willy-nilly, only to book a one-way ticket (round-trip is for the weak, apparently) or a red-eye flight, in your endless and presumably futile pursuit of airfare deals. Instead, please, sit back and allow me to guide you through the sometimes exhilarating, often comedic, and occasionally tragicomic performance that is commercial air travel.

First, let us discuss Alaska Airlines' economy class. Wait, my apologies, that was far too scandalous. What we should really explore is "premium economy". It’s an absolute system of ranks! But don't fret, "sub-optimum" does not equate to "creature comfort devoid." On the contrary – treat yourself to the copious legroom and be blown away by the 15 cm of reclining space so generously bestowed upon you. Then, enjoy the flight duration full of picturesque views and in-flight services, a gastronomic venture of microwavable cuisine and beverages that could pass as, well "drinkable". It's a hoot!

Of course, if you're truly dedicated to chucking your travel budget to the wind and giving capitalism a hearty pat on the back, you could always upgrade to business class. Here, let yourself succumb to an environment that would rival most county fair rides in terms of comfort and style, with the added bonus of frequent flyer miles accumulation, which who knows when and where in the world you could possibly redeem. Ah, the sweet, saucy allure of the mileage program!

One unexpected joy of flying Alaska (by which we mean the airline and not via a flock of eagled-eyed migrating birds in traditional V formation) is discovering the baggage allowance quota. Trust me; it’s not the usual carry-on case, it's a veritable roulette wheel of dimensional restrictions and weight penalties. Ah, the suspense! As each bag struts down the catwalk of the check-in desk, will it be a featherweight contender or a middleweight materialistic mound destined for a hefty surcharge? Tune in to find out!

Now, dear wayfarers, just a sprinkle of aviation lore to enhance your Alaska Airlines journey from St. Louis to Orange County, in the treasure trove of odds and ends from the random mobile information generator known as the internet. Did you know that in the state of Alaska, residents are given an annual "oil wealth" bonus? Yes, a slice of the royalties from the oil industry is shared out as profits among Alaskans simply for being, well, Alaskan. Talk about frequent flyer points, my friends!

So, as you revel in your almost tangible experience of journeying across two radically different worlds from St. Louis to Orange County, bid a fond farewell to your preconception of the mundane travel experience. With Alaska Airlines, the journey is not only detangled but also artfully recomposed into a tour de force of delightful ironies, a critique of the conventional, and an exploit of the extraordinary.

And remember: Carpe diem! Or in our case, carpe diem… in premium economy!