Alaska Airlines from St. Pete-Clearwater International Airport to Puerto Vallarta

Allow me, your humble, jet-setting scribe, to regale you with a narrative of such audacious journey-making that it will cause your luggage to sprout wheels of delight! It involves two beautiful, but wildly disparate locations: St. Pete-Clearwater International Airport (a.k.a. the Mecca of Palm Tree Pep Rallies) and the ever-luxurious Puerto Vallarta, which, as we all know, is Spanish for "You're About to Love Your Life More Than You Thought Humanly Possible".

Before we dive in, let's have a moments silence for all those sad souls out there stuck in layover purgatory, who dared to dabble with connecting flights and now wander from Cinnabon to Hudson News in a jet-lagged fog. Our itinerary, my friends, couldn’t be more different. Feast your eyes on the paradise of a non-stop flight! Yes, you heard it right. No interruptions, no pit stops and certainly no mechanical armchair battles for the annexation of the shared armrest. It's just us, flirting with the skies in a straight shot from good ol’ St. Pete-Clearwater to Puerto Vallarta.

In the world of air travel, such a route is lovingly referred to as a 'direct flight'. But don't be fooled by the mundane term. Imagine instead a majestic bald eagle, soaring above the petty squabbles of traffic lights and road maps, fueled by nothing but its innate constitution and a healthy amount of frequent flyer points. That, my compatriots, is the spirit of our journey.

Now, most of us, being budget-conscious travelers, would happily endure a strange-smelling seatmate for a whiff of those intoxicating, elusive cheap flights. Asking the experts, a.k.a my crystal ball and tarot cards, the best time to book your flight would be precisely 73.5 days beforehand. Don’t ask me why, perhaps it's a complex algorithm involving airfare trends and the mating habits of barn owls. Just take my word for it.

Though there's a lovely blend of economy class and first-class seats on these flights, I recommend indulging in the latter. Not just for the in-flight caviar, but because when people ask, "So, how was your flight?" you can pompously reply, ‘In first-class, darling’ causing a gasp of admiration (or is that indigestion?). Plus, you'll have the privilege of an in-flight blanket that's more than just a glorified handkerchief.

Now, if you're sailing this heavenly air route to see what lies beyond the great blue, you should know these international flights come with a generous baggage allowance. Pack however you like, be it everything but the kitchen sink or just the kitchen sink (you never know when you'll need to make a sudden Margarita!).

Let’s take a sidestep and imbibe a fun fact about Alaska, the state our dear airlines call home: Alaska has more coastline than the rest of the United States combined. Isn’t that something? Besides, it’s known for its salmon, moose, and the glorious Northern Lights. Not to forget - culture and heritage as expansive and diverse as the state itself.

To cap off this light-hearted jovial jibe at airline travel, remember to immerse fully in the in-flight services. Use this opportunity to befriend the flight attendants – they've got the power to grant you the sacred extra pack of peanuts. But let me be clear, this opportunity is not to be wasted on debates about the Oxford comma or the correct pronunciation of ‘tomato’.

I implore you, make the most of your journey on this fabulous non-stop flight from St. Pete-Clearwater to Puerto Vallarta. After all, travel, like life, isn’t just about the destination, but also the innumerable puns and laughs shared along the way. Safe travels, fellow adventurers, and remember: In the words of the inimitable Dolly Parton, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. Or in our case, the odd patch of turbulence!