Alaska Airlines from Wichita Dwight D. Eisenhower National Airport to Medford

Ah, the grand adventure of air travel! Prepare yourself for an exhilarating, profoundly moving journey from Wichita Dwight D. Eisenhower National Airport (ICT) to the thriving metropolis of Medford (MFR). On the prestigious Alaska Airlines no less. A hint of sarcasm here, perhaps? Surely not, for when it comes to Alaska Airlines, the sarcasm evaporates as swiftly as the clouds post-turbulence.

Now, let's dive in. With their remarkable selection of flights, you have two choices - round-trip or one-way. Then again, you might be wondering, why bother returning, once you've had a taste of the glorious splendor of Medford? Perhaps a one-way ticket is all that's needed, a one-way ticket to your new life. I mean, who could resist the alluring charms of a city, bursting with a whopping population of over 80,000 humans?

Now, you might be dreaming of the luxury of non-stop flights. Regrettably, such extravagances are reserved for the likes of Los Angeles and New York. As such, the average 'ICT to MFR' traveler must endure layovers. But fret not, these are not mere waiting periods, these are the epics of a shared camaraderie, where the fellow passengers become an extended family. (Remember, critique fellow passengers' choice of inflight snacks at your peril).

So, say you’re a friend of budgets and looking for cheap flights. Alaska Airlines has mastered the art of smooth operations to bestow upon you flights that challenge not just aerodynamics, but principles of economics too. These flight deals are nothing short of small miracles in the skies.

Onboard economy class, with a teasingly small legroom and charmingly minuscule tray tables, you will be privy to be a heart-pounding, soul-shaking aerial journey. Business class, on the other hand, is for those who can afford to avoid the lap-crushing experience of folding one's legs into a seat pocket while enjoying their all but five peanuts.

As for inflight services, Alaska Airlines boasts an impressively complex and creative beverage list. You can sip a cup of hot coffee while hunting for Mount Everest outside your minute window. Or alternately, enjoy a Sprite and meditate on where your baggage might actually be.

Another wondrous feature of an Alaska Airlines adventure is the mileage program. It's a delightful game of accumulation, where the winning reward is hefty additional baggage allowance. Strangely enough, the process of accumulating miles seems almost as slow as the flight duration itself.

Have you been forfeited the delight of sleep for a 'red-eye flight'? Fear not, as Alaska's relentlessly cheery flight attendants supply you with hazardous quantities of coffee at disorienting hours. As they say, sleep can be overrated anyway.

And did you know, talking about Alaska Airlines, the state of Alaska itself, from where the airline derived its name, holds the utmost record of possession of the largest number of pilots per capita, as compared to any US state? Yeah, in Alaska, every 78th person is a licensed pilot. Every cloud does have a silver lining, right?

It brings us to the final detail of your glorious aerial quest, one that you must not overlook: the flight cancellation policy. It's a fascinating give-and-take policy that borders on the profound philosophy of life itself. So, be vigilant of the potential calamity befalling your last-minute flights and be prepared to be surprised, and not always in a good way.

So, there you have it. Your comprehensive, albeit satirical, guide to flying Alaska from Wichita to Medford is now complete. And remember, if you ever get stranded in Wichita, Medford or the innumerable connecting flights in between, be sure to keep a sense of humor about you. And don't forget to update your airline reviews!